The Short, Narcissistic and Melodramatic PMS Post


Guess who has spent All Day sitting on her pile of blankets in the corner of her room with the cats?  And has been Really, Really, Hungry?  Drinking cup after cup of coffee; eating carrot stick after unfulfilling carrot stick; rummaging in the pantry for any forgotten packets of diet hot cocoa; nosing ceaselessly in the dark crumby corners for leftover sugar-free cappuccino mix; nibbling with dissatisfaction on dried cranberries; and finally, after walking back and forth to the kitchen cupboard and staring at the place where the coveted, craved item sits, picking it up and then putting it back, standing, thinking, deliberating, hesitating, thinking . . . finally licking spoonfuls of peanut butter directly from the jar.

The menses are approaching again.

The one thing that I really miss about being a full-blown bulimarexic is the amenorrhea:  None of this periodic bullshit Hunger X 50,000.  None of the elusive, indefinable, skin-crawling, boiling agony searing through me.  None of the flaming Medusa heads terrorizing me from all angles.  My body couldn’t raise bloody hell every month the way it does now when it was half-dead.

Midol doesn’t work; it doesn’t do squat for the crippling hunger.  Back in the days when I still had health insurance, and before I became tolerant of them, prescription tranquilizers worked.  After all, how can you feel anything when you’re tanked on a serene Valium euphoria?  But now I wouldn’t be able to get a hold of those things even if I hadn’t allowed some quack to prescribe me too much of them, too often, over just a few too many months, to the point that they are now as effective as sugar, and nothing, nothing, NOTHING will deliver me from this piercing agony.


2 thoughts on “The Short, Narcissistic and Melodramatic PMS Post

  1. Sometimes me and the peanut butter jar are all that exist in the world. The one. Meaningful. Relationship. However!
    I find that even if I absolutely must over-indulge in sugar and carbs, making brownies just to eat the batter (even carb-free brownies! which are gross under any other circumstances!), one sure-fire way to feel at least a smidgen better is to take a walk. Breathe the fresh air. Drink in the smells of trees, the air, the clouds. To do it for the sake of working off the imagined extra calories I consumed…even though my body is using them to do this amazing thing of shedding pieces of tissue and blood and cells and old-me-pieces…is pretty great.
    The process is amazing. Adding extra sugar and carbs is sometimes just what we need to replace all that we are shedding. And taking a walk is sometimes great because it soothes us mentally and also helps everything to get more aligned physically. At least to me. I highly recommend it, because life is freaking short, and if you can enjoy the feeling of eating a brownie once in awhile because it momentarily satiates some crazy feminine hunger that only other menstruating women will ever understand…well…then…enjoy the freaking hell out of it!

  2. I am reading this comment when the menses are approaching once again and I regret (or am proud?) to say that brownies are not nearly the only noshable items I have consumed in the last 24 hour period.

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