Dear LinkedIn:

I’m getting really sick of those goddamn emails you regularly dump in my inbox telling me about “Jobs I May Be Interested In.”  I once really did apply for one of those jobs.  Three days later I drove 110 miles to find myself at some too-hip-for-you consulting firm run by some too-cool-to-comb-his-hair megalomaniac sociologist who apparently thinks that surprise group interviews allotting 10 minutes to each candidate are a responsible way to hire people.  They sent the rejection email before I even finished swerving my way back the 110 miles under the influence of my job interview-strength dose of tranquilizers.  I don’t find your juicy-looking fraudulent job ads that you spam out to me to be very credible anymore.

And why don’t you stop flashing a bunch of “People I May Know” in my face every time I sign into my account.  Yes, I do in fact know all those people.  But you know what?  I really don’t want to know that the flakey classmate who never even showed up to two seminars in a row now manages the grants at Big Fat Important Foundation That [supposedly] Saves the World.  I don’t want to know that the pompous classmate who sat in the back of the room and snickered the time I flounderingly taught a class to the undergrads is now a policy analyst at the RAND Corporation.  I really, really, REALLY don’t want to see blinking back at me the profile of the former internship supervisor who had the gracious generosity to tell a reference checker that I’m “on the introverted side.”     Continue reading